I want to ask you a question that I ask myself when my children are acting up. Who do you blame when your children are acting up?
If my son says a bad word I blame my husband. If my children act spoiled I blame the grandparents. But the other times, when they’re rude, or make a bad choice who do I blame? It’s a bitter pill to swallow but I have to blame myself. I’m not being hard on myself because the truth is I have set standards for myself on what kind of mom I want to be.
I’ve always wanted to be the best role model for my children. Why? Because I’m the first person they see in the morning, I’m the one who they interact with the most, and most likely my son will marry someone who is like me and he will treat her like my husband treats me.
My daughter will either want to be like me or want to be better than me. (I prefer her to be a million times better than me). She will raise her children like I raised her. Do you ever find yourself sometimes saying things your mother told you?
If I prove to be a worthy and wise person; my children will most likely come to me asking for parenting and life advice. I hope that they also come to me with their own children for child care, moral support, and more. (I am planning on being that grandparent who is extra involved and gives advice without being asked, and spoiling the grandkids to the max, and taking care of them, and picking them up every Friday evening and returning them on Sunday night). I don’t know what my life will be like at that time but I hope in Hod that I am able to fulfill all that and more.
Now let me give you a little background on the ages of my children. My children are 6 & 4. I know that my kids are young in age and I know that their actions are my responsibility. If they were adults that would be a different story but while they are young and naive I will take full responsibility over their actions.
I have developed a skill called self-awareness. It’s on automatic pilot. I can almost immediately tell when I’ve done wrong or feel a certain way about something. So when I notice that my kids are acting a way that bothers me. I start evaluating myself. Of course, I bring it their attention but I also take note on my part of this.
I go back that day, that week, that month, and start looking for certain things. These certain things help me become aware of where I have failed in parenting. And yea I have failed a lot but I also improve a lot. I like learning from things the first mistake. I’m very hard on myself when it comes to parenting because it is my calling and I want God to say well done my faithful servant. It’s about learning, growing, and moving on. If you keep making the same mistake over and over then you are stagnant in your growth. You are limiting yourself to your potential of being the best mom for your children.
It’s looking at parenting from a different perspective. It’s easy to yell at the kids, put them in timeout, than to evaluate where you’ve been prior to the incident.
I start thinking about my behavior and start asking myself questions to evaluate myself deeper. I start asking, have I been modeling behaviors that contradict how I want my kids to behave? Have I made choices that have hurt my parenting this week? Perhaps that week I let the TV be the babysitter. Perhaps that week I put my attention else where (Netflix, binge reading, social media, etc).
When your children become adults you want to be sure that you put in the work to raise the kids you’ve wanted to raise. You want to make sure that you are confident in your parenting all these years. You want to make sure that you prayed for your kids and their future.
IT’S REALLY NOT OKAY.
A lot of times we read things that make us feel like it’s okay to 1/2 parent because parenting is hard. And to be honest, it’s not okay. This world needs more kids to be raised right. This world needs adults that are prepared for life. Too many times we helicopter our children, we do the work for them, we don’t teach them core values. We were too busy making a life for ourselves that we ignored the fact of the responsibility of parenting.
I’m not saying all work and no break. You can parent and have time for yourself. It’s necessary to carve out time for yourself and ask for help. I’m just saying don’t let it become more than your responsibility. Be self-aware and parent better.
PEEL OFF THAT COAT OF SUGAR
Sometimes you have to peel off that layer of sugar and be honest with yourself and your kids. And ask that bitter question. How has your involvement with the kids been lately? A little self-awareness goes a long way.
Have you been on social media far too long? Are you constantly cleaning out your email inbox? Are you low on energy? Have you been eating well?
These are questions you have to ask yourself to check yourself. We only have a limited amount of time with them to teach them what they need to know. Don’t waste it on making the same mistakes 2, 3, 4, 5 times. Turn off Netflix and get on the floor and play with your kids more. Learn to recognize teachable moments. And most importantly love your children. Be patient. Listen more. Put in the work now that way you have an easier going life later.
We will not always be with them to help them make the best choice. And when we are not with we need their moral compass, values, and the power of the Holy Spirit to kick in to help them be what God intended them to be.
Remember to strive to be the best mom/role model for your children!