I used to feel guilty for feeling this way. I used to think, “what is wrong with me?” “Why do I want to spend time away from my family?” “This is not normal.” “What would others think of me.” “What would my husband say or family members think?”
And for the longest I kept quiet and held this desperate feeling of having time alone inside of myself. Inside, I felt angry, desperate, frustrated, and irritable. I just thought that I couldn’t allow myself to have quiet and away time because of what people would say or think.
Although I desperately needed it and wanted it, I acted out like I didn’t need it and everything was fine on the outside. I started reading up on mommy blogs and learned from other women at my church that it’s okay to take some time for myself to recoup and refresh or just to enjoy something I love doing besides spending time with my family. And that no one was going to criticize me for taking time away. No one would think it was bad that I enjoyed spending time away my family.
And I started reading more and more and started reprogramming myself. I thought it wasn’t okay because I had certain views of what a mother looked like and expectations of what type of role a mother played in her family.
I’ve always thought mothers are strong, beautiful, friendly, loving, caring, nurturing, and certainly knew that they had many skills. But I never thought of how they became that way. I thought they were just made that way. And I believe that mommies are super humans because we can do so much and we come from a place of love and passion and that’s where our strength came from. (Boy, was I wrong).
I just had no idea the work they put in to be strong, nurturing, caring, friendly, loving, etc.
Now I know. As I’m fulfilling my role as a mommy and wife, I now know that it is necessary and valuable to take time away in order to do my job better. Even if it’s only 5 minutes a day that I take for myself. Those 5 minutes are gold for me. Those 5 minutes of gold turn me into the best version of myself. My rewards for taking time for myself are strength, love, joy, peace and most important SANITY and now I am able to reflect that to the people I love. I can now be strong, nurturing, caring, loving, friendly, AND NOT CRAZY.
And that is what makes self-care valuable. here are 5 ways you can take time alone to be with yourself and relieve yourself from your major role: mommmy/wife for at least 5 min if not more. Whatever amount of time you need to take, take to come back being a better version of yourself.
5 Ways to Take Time Away and NOT Feel Guilty doing it.
1. Wake up earlier than everybody else and enjoy the stillness of your home. Use this time for the following:
- Reading scripture AND meditating on the word; and/or
- Focus on your breathing for 5 minutes; pay attention to how you breath through your nostrils and exhale through your mouth. Let the thoughts pass through. And refocus on your breathing; and/or
- Pray for yourself your day, your family, your kids, husband, anyone that comes to mind; and/or
- Catch up on a prerecorded sermon; and/or
- Listen to your favorite podcast; and/or
- Do something you enjoy; and/or
- Write a gratitude moment list of the day before; and/or
- Write about how you want your day to look like today.
When you do something that you enjoy first you already start your day feeling taken care. And now you can take care of everyone else because you took care of the most important person in your life, YOU. You might disagree and say your children or spouse. And they certainly are important but your are first important. It’s like when you first get on the airplane you are told the instructions on how to put the oxygen mask on first if it became necessary to use them and then to help another. So don’t feel guilty, it’s important to take care of you first.
2. Ask for outside help.
I recently received an email from Amazon that they are now offering home services, for example, housecleaning, handyman work, assembling, etc. And I immediately took advantage of that offer because they had a promotion of 30% off your entire order. I purchased spring cleaning help. And fell in love with the options they gave you. They clearly communicate how long the service will take depending on the rooms you pick to have cleaned. I thought wow this is amazing. The price is not bad at all. I thought, I can afford this. So when it was time for me to checkout the price went down at least $40. And I was just astonished. I got everything I’ve been wanting for the longest for a very affordable price. I’ve always wanted to hire help. And always thought I couldn’t afford it until now. THANK YOU AMAZON!
3. Talk to your spouse and communicate with him.
Be open and honest with him. Let him know it is important for you to take time off everyday.(Yes I said everyday).
4. Journal about what this time away will look like.
Journal how your feeling, your patterns, your beliefs. I challenge you to do this outside of your home. Do this on you porch step, or in your back yard, be outside with nature. Get out of your house and feel the air outside. Breath it enjoy it.
5. Schedule it in like you would a doctor’s appointment, feeding your baby, or going on a date with your spouse. Stick to your schedule.
Become aware of how you feel inside when you go 100 mph without stopping. Learn your patterns. Work your schedule don’t let it work you. Taking time alone is normal, is common, and is natural. I bet you don’t realize that your body does it everyday. When we go to the restroom our body is asking for time to relieve some stuff from our body in order to function. Or when we go to sleep, we all need to sleep to recoup, refresh. It’s a natural process. It’s important to do it consciously, to take time for our self, consciously. Sleeping and using the rest room is a subconscious matter. We automatically know we need sleep and we do it. We automatically know we need to go to the restroom and we do it.
Learn to consciously take time away and enjoy it. You will enjoy it because you know the rewards you will receive from doing it.
Let me know in the comments below what are your quick go-tos in order to get refreshed. I know that this is not a quick fix but I know that when I take a book to the restroom and read something of value to me I come out feeling good. Not only did my physical body get relieved but so did my emotional state. (I´m laughing right now because I dared to share that with you).
Wishing you the best on this self-care guilt free journey. Till next time. Enjoy.
The MOM Dare 💋